I’m Trying. Really, I Am.

I am one who has always seen the glass as half-full and I have always found the good in the bad. I do my best to never judge anyone, but lately, it’s been hard not to judge. I don’t understand why some people do the things they do. My friend *D has written some very heartwrenching posts on her blog these last couple of days. She is an Emergency Foster Parent who takes kids that have just been taken from their home or as relief for other foster parents while they vacation. After reading her posts, I find myself getting angry and hating the parents that allowed this to happen to their children.
In the past couple of weeks, my life has gone haywire. First, my uncle has taken my grandmother to live with him over 100 miles away and we were not prepared for this. My mom, who has taken care of her for the last 10 years, is in shock. One day my grandmother is there, the next she is gone. My kids don’t understand it. I’m beyond pissed off and heart-broken. And my mom is fading right before my eyes. She has literally never lived alone her whole life. Ever. Now she is abruptly on her own and it’s killing her. I am doing what I can to make a bad situation better, but it’s not working. I’m trying to take care of her while taking care of my own family at the same time and lying to my grandmother during our daily phone calls when she asks me if my mom is okay. She’s just as devistated about being away as my mom is. My mom won’t eat, won’t get out of bed and cries constantly. God only knows how she’ll react when my grandmother passes. I honestly don’t feel that me and my kids are enough to keep her going.
Believe me when I say that I’m trying, really trying not to see my glass as not only half-empty but shattered and I’m doing my best to not judge those that I feel have wronged me and my family or those that have wronged those innocent children. I’m never going to understand some things in life. I know that. I will bounce back. I always do. This time though, it’s happening just a little bit slower. But I’m trying. Really, I am.

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